Prologue
Star Wars is by far one of the most recognizable cultural icons from America. Nations around the world love it for its ingenuity, new take on the Sci-Fi genre, and genius practical effects used. However, with all of the remakes and capitalizing on the series, it becomes clear that everything is not how it seems. People seem to blindly accept Star Wars whenever it craps out a new sequel or prequel or television series. Here is my movie review for the Star Wars Franchise.
Star Wars: Episode 1: The Phantom Menace
Oh my God. This is horrid. How could anything this bad be put under the name of Star Wars? How!? Everything from the atrocious acting, casting choices, plasticky CGI, the plot, Jar-Jar Binks, and the Midichlorians! The Midichlorians, dear God! How can anything be this bad. The only good thing that came out of this movie is the fight between Darth Maul and Qui Gon Jinn. This is this movie’s only redeeming quality. Anakin is a little brat, the slave bug thing is a douche, the alien dude who challenges Anakin to a race is stupid, and Jar-Jar Binks, dear God. I cannot believe that this movie was even put past production. Anakin is a prodigy and Qui Gon and his apprentice, Obi-Wan are trying to find him and also protect Queen Amadala. I just threw up a little. This movie sucks. Utter trash.
Star Wars: Episode 2: The Attack of the Clones
How can it get worse than The Phantom Menace, you may be asking yourself. Attack of the Clones is how. This movie expands upon everything bad and makes it utterly worse. It is not only a disgrace to the Star Wars name, but to cinema in its entirety. This is where a lot of money went into. Hayden Christensen, good lord, how? I know teenagers are angry, mean, angry, and filled with emotions, but why? The Queen is at least ten years older than Anakin! That relationship should be illegal. Also “I want to be a Jedi master,” say Anakin. Immediately upon becoming a Padawan, breaks the Jedi code and gets into a relationship, and blames Yoda, and all the Jedi that he isn’t a Jedi master yet. What a whiny little piece of snot. Why is he the main character? He is soooo unlikable! Atrociously awful. The CGI. Why? Why is Yoda jumping around like he is nimble and quick?! He is at least like 900 years old! Wow. Bad, never again.
Star Wars: Episode 3: The Revenge of the Sith
This movie, in some degree, manages, somehow, to be better than its two predecessors. It has “better” acting, better visuals, way better choreographed, though that is bad because the fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan looks like they’re dancing, not trying to kill one-another. This movie is at least like a D. It’s better. Still pretty bad though. Hayden Christensen is not as bad as he was previously. Thank God.
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Don’t listen when people tell you this movie is good. It isn’t. It is a hollow story about people in which the writers don’t give you any reason to care for them, in the slightest. They do explain why it is so easy to destroy the Death Star, which is pretty cool, but besides that, eh. The other only good parts are with Darth Vader, and the remaking of Darth Vader invading the rebel ship to find Princess Leia. That’s sad though, because the entire movie relies on your love for Star Wars. If I’m not talking about much, it’s because there isn’t anything to talk about with the movie, it is very bland. There is nothing there. Style over substance. This movie is a great example.
Star Wars: Episode 4: A New Hope & Star Wars: Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back
The reason I lump these two together is because everyone (usually) universally agrees that these movies are both great. Masterpieces in every respect. I cannot give these movies enough credit. These are masterpieces and set the standard for the good Star Wars movies.
Star Wars: Episode 6: The Return of the Jedi
This movie suffers from the sequel disease. Sequels to movies tend to get worse over time. For this franchise, it is true, because every movie after Episode 5 is trash (Episodes 4-6 were the original creations, and every other movie was made after the original trilogy). The Return of the Jedi is where the trend started to make its appearance. It’s simply not as good. To many clichés, an unsatisfying ending, and a crappy turn of events, and overall relatively bad battles compared to its predecessors.
Star Wars: Episode 7: The Force Awakens
The reason this movie is disliked is not because it is a bad film, because it isn’t, in fact it is very good. It’s just that it is a complete rip-off of the original Star Wars. Again, style vs substance. Kylo Ren was also one of, if not the most unconvincing villain in the movie franchise. Commander Snoake is too mysterious and is not given enough screen time. The comedy, I thought at least, was very bland and not what a Star Wars movie needs. Save it for the television series. I am not excited for the next movies in the franchise. I can only hope it will get better.
Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick 